Render the United States Secret Service befuddled, paralyzed and lethargic with a freezer spell.
The difficulty here is to find a really good relic. Other than getting something from their gift shop on the cheap, I encourage you go on eBay and obtain a used United States Secret Service Challenge Coin. That’s a nice good personal concern and a symbol of excellence for the agency.
You are going to do some bad things to it.
Next, brew yourself some nice poppy tea. Leaves or seeds or both, for confusion and lethargy. Add a splash of warm milk to make them sleepy. Then a few drops of your urine to dominate them. Use your lucky number for those drops. (Some would perhaps add a petition paper, but I’d hold off on that for now.)
Put everything in a jar about 3/4ths full and stuff that in the back of your freezer.
You may wish some reassurance at this point that the aim here isn’t to soften up the defenses of the institutions which defend the President against assassination.
Be reassured. If Trump were to expire, he would be replaced by someone worse. Our aim is far more strategic and mischievous. And scary.
Stay tuned.
